Jennifer Aniston, Karate vs Boxing, Amish Puppy Mills

Posted: January 5, 2011 in Basset Hounds, Boxing, Dogs, Cats, Pets, Animals, Jennifer Aniston
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To order a Duffy book, click on one of the covers to the left.

Those were the most popular posts on this blog last year.

I’m thinking of only posting on those topics or trying to weave them all together in every post.

Something like this:

So there Jen and I were in Lancaster again, walking hand in hand through the country side. She’s big on the whole sunset thing and was sighing as she rested her head on my shoulder.

Then, out of nowhere this dude in a top hat and an Abe Lincoln beard blows past me in a horse and buggy. He just about clipped my shoulder.

“Hey, you ultra late-adapting prick, you almost hit me!” I yelled. Jenn started to whimper.

The guy slammed on the horse brakes and jumped off his buggy cockpit.

“Thou wanst a piece of thee’s ass, does though?” He said glaring at me.

I glance up at his cargo–a dozen or more basset hound puppies.

That was all it took.

Lincoln dropped into a traditional southern Chinese martial arts stance. I guessed Kenpo.

I got my hands up, right hand first, reminscent of Hector “Macho” Camacho. He lunged at me with a tiger’s mouth technique. I stepped to my right caught his chin with the jab and delivered the number two straight down the pipe, crushing his nose and sending him to the dirt road. He was bleeding all into his funked up beard.

“Mine ass is kicked!” he utterred right before I released the hounds. They all relieved themselves on or around the Amish puppy mill operator. Jenn just looked up at me, her eyes all glassy.

“You are such a man. I am so attracted to you!”

“I know.” i said.

You looking at me? Feeling lucky, punk?

And we walked into town, held a basset hound rescue event and found good homes for all the dogs.

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Comments
  1. Ginny says:

    Oh, Schreck, you lead such an active fantasy life!

  2. michael rivest says:

    Thou art my hero. We Amish eschew modern amenties, but we are only separated from thee by details. For example, if thou art ever in Amish country and see a man with his arm in his horse’s arse, that’s a mechanic.

  3. LOL I am a former Amish, and this made me chuckle!

    Joe
    amish.co

  4. Tom, thanks for taking on the puppy mills. Few things make my skin crawl more. Now, for your delightful writing, huzzah!

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