Don’t be THAT Guy: Back into a parking space guy

Posted: July 15, 2010 in don't be THAT guy
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To order a Duffy book, click on one of the covers to the left.

I’m not sure why this pisses me off so much.

You’re pulling into a parking lot and ready to turn into your space and there he is–the guy who insists on backing in. He wants to make sure he’ll be pointing out when he leaves.

What the hell is this about?

jerkoff...

Is he a superhero who’s going to get called on the-guy-who-backs-in phone for an emergency?

Does he know something about a terrorist act that’s going to occur while he’s in the building?

Is he worried about the reverse in his vehicle not functioning?

It ff’in pisses me off.

It’s like a message to the world that “Hey, I’m more prepared than you!”

Meanwhile I have to wait another 15 seconds while he does his thing.

Sartre was right. Hell IS other people.

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Comments
  1. tybes says:

    the only acceptable reasons to back into a parking spot is when you are at a sporting event or a concert, and everybody leaves at the same time. Unless you have your cooler packed to wait out the crowd, it comes in handy to back in.

    on a similar subject, I find it funny when people back into their driveway/garage. I always found it harder to back into a smaller space. It seems to me that it is easier drive head first into the smaller space and to back out of the garage/driveway and onto the larger area-the street.

  2. michael rivest says:

    Hey, Tommy – I’m not as pissed at these guys as I am at the new breed of kiosk sales people once you get IN the mall.

    Write about them, wouldja? A certain jiminy cricket pest bastard at the verizon kiosk at crossgates nearly learned of my anger issues last night. All I cound think of as I turned to him was (5-3-2), but my son was with me and there’s that little matter of the police.

  3. Jen Forbus says:

    Oh my lands, Tom! Slow down, don’t rush life. This is not something to get worked up over. Who cares why the guy is backing in. Enjoy the extra 15 seconds of your audiobook or music.

    I’m with Tybes. Whenever I go to the Playhouse Square in Cleveland to see a show, I always back in or I’m stuck there forever when it’s time to leave. Otherwise I usually don’t take the time to back in. I like when I can pull through in a parking lot, though and then be able to drive straight out.

    In Ohio, it’s actually a law on the books that you can’t back out of your driveway. I’ve never actually seen that enforced, though. Lots of rules like that, I suppose.

  4. BD says:

    I love ya, TS, but I am a backer inner. A damn good one, too.

    When I’m coming down the mall parking lot lanes looking for an empty spot, guess what pisses me off to no end?
    …The person backing out of a space who has no idea what’s coming from either direction & is now holding MY life up for HIS/HER lack of foresight & consideration!
    (I haven’t done the studies yet but I am positive these people are the ones who leave 3ml left in the bottom of the milk carton, one cube in the ice cube tray, nothing but the 2 dry-ass ends of the bread & 1 square of Charmin on the roll in the john.)

    A PLBO (ParkingLotBackerOutter) can
    1) gun it & kill the pack of teenagers obliviously texting as they saunter to the mall entrance OR
    2) can safely creep out, carefully checking left & right each time he gets another 4″ while I’ve gotten to listen to both Anna Godda Davida and Freebird waiting.

    This slo-mo-dance is like the cries of a wounded baby antelope on the Serengeti. Circling stall-predators immediately converge on the spot from all corners of the 19 acre lot causing a glut of white-knuckled drivers in disparately angled cars all revving their engines and brewing to throw down should someone dare take a swipe at “their” easy prey.
    …further delaying my trip to Target for milk, bread and TP.

    BTLSOM.
    (BugsTheLivinShitOuttaMe)

    Luckily, (and much to my wife’s annoyance) I don’t spend time buzzarding the close spots anyway. I’ve opted out of the circling endlessly life; craning my neck for a telltale reverse light or movement until I can zoom in for the kill & get the prized spot.

    I head right for the middle, pull in to a free space & walk the extra 25′. At a restaurant-forget it; I just head right to the frikkin’ back & I’m done with it.
    I just saved 3minutes, didn’t get into a fight over a parking spot with the other circling maniacs, got a tiny bit of exercize & avoided the chemical-dump anxiousness looking for the sweet stall in full stalking-parking-space-alpha-sniper-ninja mode.

    Let’s go to the civilians in the ‘burbs…
    If Taco Bell is working your GI or there are 7 cars right behind you– pull in your driveway. Please.
    With nothing pressing, though, would it kill ya to back in, thereby positioning yourself for a safe, quick departure?

    Otherwise, when you’re backing out of your driveway I can guarantee it’ll be me who has to stop in the middle of the street as you are timidly creeping out of your driveway in the worst position for safety you could choose.

    Oncomings can handle 5 to 0mph at the mall just fine. 45 to 0 on Huckleberry Ln… maybe not so fine.

    Oh, I’ve thought this through alright.

    No, I have no fear of an imminent KGB raid and no, I’m not much for bank-robbin’.

    I am sure of one thing, though – I don’t drink nearly enough.

    • Jen Forbus says:

      hahahahahahahahahaha!! This totally made my afternoon. 🙂

    • tjs9261 says:

      BD–I just don’t know what to say or what approach to even take.

      1. Switch decongestants–the Sudafed is having it’s effect

      2. I love you, you get Elvis which absolves all sins in my book but really–you back in? geez…do you wear knees highs with your Teva’s too?

      3. “Positioning yourself for a quick departure” Billy what happened to you? Does your sphincter even contract any more?

      4.”This slo-mo-dance is like the cries of a wounded baby antelope on the Serengeti. Circling stall-predators immediately converge on the spot from all corners of the 19 acre lot causing a glut of white-knuckled drivers in disparately angled cars all revving their engines and brewing to throw down should someone dare take a swipe at “their” easy prey.
      …further delaying my trip to Target for milk, bread and TP.”

      You get points for wounded baby antelope on the Sernegeti…no question.

  5. D. B. Dean says:

    I back in only when driving my larger vehicles. I find the backing out of a stall once a parking lot is full (say at the end of the work day and there are more cars in the lot) more difficult than just pulling out and driving. A long bed, crew cab F250 dulley disel truck is a pain in the butt to back out when you got a bunch of cars all around you. I always make sure I am preferrably at the end of the outer row (this means there are generally not cars parked directly behind me, and if possible I am backed in. Small cars arent a big deal but when i drive the truck well…its a whole different animal.

  6. zoewinters says:

    LMAO!!!! “Is he a superhero?”

    That’s so funny. Backing in guy is such a douche. 😛

  7. vincent says:

    Let’s throw double-parkers and the “pleasant people” that park on the line thinking others won’t fit in that space.

    I drive a Honda, and it’s a 97, I’ll fit in that space.

  8. Evin says:

    Like BD, I am a backer-inner. It all started in college when I attended a women’s safety course offered by the local police. He advised that backing into a non-angled parking spot is safer because you do not have to walk the length of the car to get into the driver’s seat and offers visibility into the car from the largest window – the front windshield.

    It’s also more fuel efficient since you are backing in when the engine is already warmed up as opposed to backing out when the engine has cooled after being parked. Of course, I am, at this point, better at backing in than fronting in so time is not as much a factor.

    One thing I feel is important to remember as a backer-inner is that if I see two parking spots in the aisle, I take the second one so if someone pulls into the same aisle he/she can grab the nearer available spot instead of gazing longingly at the one on the other side of where I’m parking.

  9. Andy "The Cat" Schott says:

    It’s better to be prepared and not have an emergency than to have an emergency and not be prepared

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