NBA FREE AGENCY–LEBRON JAMES–To Stop BP Oil Spill

Posted: June 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

Focusing on what's important...

Lebron James has decided to sign with BP to aid in the Gulf recovery.

“I’ve come to the conclusion that professional basketball is a vapid existence filled with over-active thyroid cases who care more about their next tattoo than they do their fellow man. Me, I care about fishes, clams and pelicans and that kind of shit. Damn it, I’m going to do something selfless,” The 6′ 9″ all star who likes to throw chalk up in the air like a Mayan God, said.

At 12:01 James becomes a free agent, a fact that has been stated in print and electronic media every three seconds for the last 60 days. James’s last minute humantarian decision came without warning.

“I thought about volunteerin’ my services in that whole Russian spy thing but, the Russians, they aren’t even, like, our enemies any more, right? Then I thought about going to South Padre island to help but I couldn’t get a flight.” James said.

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Comments
  1. Becca says:

    Ok, this is funny and all, but I have to defend LeBron. I live in Cleveland and he is very important to people here. This area, which has always been working class, has been financially devastated. These are good folks who don’t ask for much and in return are willing to work hard all their lives. Sports is entertainment and LeBron is an entertainer, hence the spectacle of the powder tossing. He’s intelligent and well spoken. He’s given a lot of time and money to various causes. And he’s a nice guy.

    • tjs9261 says:

      He seems like a nice guy to me and I like the way he carries himself.

      I recognize his importance to the local and world economy–which is why I wrote the satire. How did we get so out of whack on what’s important?

      He’s a hoop player, a very good, maybe best ever, hoop player.

      I think the attention to what team he goes to and the amount of money he will make is absurd and obscene.

      Having said that…i hope he stays a Cav.

      • Becca says:

        The whole thing makes me think of that Mark Wahlberg movie “Invincible” – especially the scene where his father talks about a major play by the Eagles that “kept him going on the factory floor for 20 years”.
        My choice for madness would be the Bachelor thing. Why does a tv show like that even exist? Why do people watch it? WHY are we 24/7 hearing about the break up of the couple as if it’s something important?

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