FRIDAY HAPPY HOUR: Seats at the Bar

Posted: May 7, 2010 in FRIDAY HAPPY HOUR, Uncategorized

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One of my biggest frustrations is waiting for my favorite bar stool to open.

People, many of you don’t know the rules about sitting at a bar. I’m gonna do you a favor and spell it out for you.

1. I know you’re waiting for your table but if you’re sitting at the bar you gotta have a drink in front of you. It’s not a bus stop.

2. You have to drink the drink.

3. I know you love your kids but the bar is for grown ups. They can’t sit there. If you’re waiting for a table they still can’t sit there. Go stand in line and use birth control.

4. If a seat opens up it goes to whoever was waiting the longest not who happened to be there hovering.

5. It sucks but you gotta give your seat up for older women. Older men are iffy but if there’s a device used to support walking upright then he gets the chair.

6. You don’t have to give up your seat to young healthy women. This is a bar. Women didn’t used to be allowed in them. Now they are and are seen as equals. (Not sure which part of that sentence I will have to apologize for. Jen Forbus will undoubtedly let me know.)

7. If you have a seat you have to sit in it. Don’t be the deuche that has a seat and stands next to it letting everyone know you’re power and status and how you are wlelding it over the four legged piece of furniture.

8. You can’t save a seat in a crowded bar. I don’t car if its your old college buddy, your long lost step brother or a member of the clergy. You can’t.

9. If a regular has a usual spot and there’s more than one available stool, you can’t take the regular’s. You haven’t earned that stool. Respect rank.

10. If you’ve stopped drinking you have to forfeit the stool. This applies even if your talking. You don’t get to stay even if you drank a lot or spent a lot of money. There is only present tense with bar stool position. No one is fooled by leaving a sip in the bottom of the glass. It’s time. Get out.

  1. tybes says:

    this reminds me of Norm Peterson on Cheers. He kicked someone out of his stool-when told no one was sitting there, Norm replied, I was sitting there, (pause) yesterday (of course what he really meant was his whole adult life)

  2. Jen Forbus says:

    Well aren’t you in rare form? O.k., maybe it isn’t that rare, but still…”use birth control?” Wow!

    And you don’t have to apologize for any part of that sentence, but it shows that you’re married. Plus, I’m not coming to visit your bar if you won’t let me have a seat.

    Just one question. Are “regulars” going to be required to start wearing signs so visitors can know and genuflect approporiately whenever regulars enter and want their seats?

    • tjs9261 says:

      you’ll have to get there and get a seat…I’ll give you mine in this case because you were coming from Ohio…

  3. Christine McCann says:

    Duly noted and forewarned. May I assume though that wives or significant others get a pass in regards to rule #6? 😉

  4. Vinnie says:

    “Go stand in line and use birth control” – Perfect.

    And wait, what’s all this business about women being allowed out of the kitchen? And seen as equals!? Really, Tom?

  5. Pasquale Palumbo says:

    These all seem pretty reasonable to me. Now, a question. If there are three stools ans the center one is empty while the other 2 are occupied by what seem to be friends/drinking partners, should you take the middle stool or wait for another one to open?

  6. tjs9261 says:


    You take the seat.

    You wait for them to ask you to adjust.

    If they don’t, you drink guilt free.


  7. Darcy says:

    I for one LOVE the “Go stand in line and use birth control” line!! When did it stop being logical that bars are not the appropriate venue for children?? I really think that some parents think children are accessories like handbags that can be taken anywhere and coincidently these same parents never seem to hear their own child crying, screaming, whining, etc.

    • tjs9261 says:

      Society has gotten way too kid friendly. If you love kids-great! That’s why there’s Applebees, TGIF and Chili’s…

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