Posted: May 6, 2010 in FREE PSYCHOTHERAPY THURSDAY, Uncategorized

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Last night the front axel of my Lincoln Towncar broke.

I was doing 65 in the middle lane, about 30 yards from a bridge over the Hudson River.

Nothing happened. I got the car to the shoulder and few cars were around during the incident even though it’s a busy highway.

When I got to the shoulder and put on my flashers, I started to feel it.

Things felt a little unreal, my legs were a little weak and my thoughts raced.

I got out of there and got it towed.

At 1:24 am the dogs got me up and while they went for the back door I noticed the window I had to climb through that morning because I locked myself out was still open. It’s next to the cat tree.

We have three cats but I could only find two. I panicked. My anxiety rose. Lucky’s black and he hides a lot. I couldn’t find him. After two hours I opened the window  and went to bed. I dozed, got up and  Lucky had returned.

I don’t feel very rested. I don’t feel like doing anything. I feel like the world needs to give me a break today. It doesn’t, of course.

And all I can think of are soldiers who stay in combat for months on end. I had a blip of a scare. They are exposed to it constantly. What can feeling like that all the tim

My dad was a WWII vet. He had 4 Purple Hearts, two Silver stars and two Bronze stars. He was in combat for 4 years.

I wonder what he felt like.

And I feel ridiculous.

  1. Kymm says:

    First of all – pleased you are okay as it could have been so much worse….

    Second – I agree with the deep admiration for those in the forces – they are true heroes in every sense of the word – having written a blank check on their own lives!

    Mine is not so much of a near-death experience through any kind of accident – but more through medical reasons. I am allergic to anaesthetic – and in needing to have surgery 3 years ago – the obvious risk being I would not make it through – I was given less than a 20% chance – but the lack of surgery meant I would die for definite – so I gambled. I also arranged my own funeral. I made DVD’s for my children – 1 each and 1 collectively (one of the hardest things I have ever had to do). I was given my Last Rites on the day of the surgery.

    On waking from the surgery – and my chest being rather sore from my heart having to be jolted awake a few times – I felt silly for having been so damn scared. The brave face – the wearing of the mask for everyone else to see. It hit me after I saw my children for the first time. I then started to feel selfish for feeling so sorry for myself in knowing there are people – like those in the forces – who willingly lay down their lives every day – for the freedom and right to live of others. That there are many more who face a lot worse on a daily basis. BUT I also know these feelings are natural and that it was also normal to be feeling them……exactly the same as it is normal for you to want the world to stop for a little while and to also feel ridiculous for your feelings too……..but then again – you already knew that!

  2. ginny says:

    The Colonel always says when your number is up there is nothing you can do about it – he tells me that every time he goes into a combat zone.

    Glad your number was not up yesterday. Glad The Colonel’s has not come up yet.

    Is it time for Happy Hour yet? It must be 5:00 somewhere……

  3. Vinnie says:

    Going off on a tangent here, but it’s been one of those months for me, too. See last weekend.

    This past weekend my car muffler decides to venture away from my car and onto the road. This is mid-trip to a wedding in Queens that I told my friend I would accompany to over a year ago. I tried every excuse in the book to get out of it — couldn’t. Mid-way between Albany and Queens my muffler lets out a roar and hits the pavement. I pull over, and things aren’t looking good. I call up AAA, get picked up by a guy that looked like he was one of Leatherface’s cousins. Try to start some small talk, but no such look. He mutters a few words, drives like a mad-man, I put my seatbelt on mid-trip. He tows me and my friend about 25 miles into the middle of nowhere in the Catskills, and the only thing in sight is an oil pan, broken down trucks, and some roosters.

    Happy that I was still alive, I find a garage open on a Saturday. The mechanics don’t greet me or ask what they can do, but stare me down, and then go back to their work. After hurdling the silent treatment, I waited. Then, after 5 hours of waiting, my car is ready to go. I would estimate about 1 hour of required labor, and 4 hours of chatting up every biker that stopped by the place. I was a bit demoralized and a bit insulted, but very happy that they were able to patch up my car temporarily. Not happy with the bill.

    It’s hot, I missed the wedding, I need a shower, and I have a hotel with a jacuzzi booked in Queens that I must go to — the only highlight. And they’re not offering and refunds.

    Turns out even the highlight fell through. I watched the one possible redeeming factor of the entire trip that I avidly tried to refuse fade away, and it was my own fault. A poorly timed text message, an obscene picture, my leaving my phone out, and a third party intercepting said text message, led to a jacuzzi that was never used, but tissues that were.

    One expensive trip and one awful, awkward ride home.

    I lost this weekend, too, but nothing fatal.


  4. tjs9261 says:

    Damn VB, last night was a party compared to your weekend…

  5. Christine McCann says:

    I’m glad that you made it home safely and that Lucky didn’t go walkabout and returned unharmed. Though I don’t think you should feel ridiculous. Your responses were perfectly natural. What would have been ridiculous is if you hadn’t had a “big picture” revelation and you’d nursed that feeling of entitlement.

    These days, if I need a big-picture reality check, I’ve got pretty strong examples locally. The floods in Nashville and middle Tennessee have been devastating. My husband and I suffered no flood damage where others lost everything, in some cases a loss of their lives. Counting our blessings! If there was good news out of all this mess was the response from people in the area to volunteer. I found out the reason I couldn’t get on the Hands on Nashville volunteer site was that it was overwhelmed. It had to be revamped to be able to handle the load. So many people stepping up to the plate, how awesome is that?!

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