FREE PSYCHOTHERAPY THURSDAY: Drama

Posted: April 22, 2010 in FREE PSYCHOTHERAPY THURSDAY

Have you noticed the drama some folks give even the most mundane things?

Why do people add drama to their lives?

I think the simple answer is boredom.

Getting all worked up about stupid things makes the insipid, boring existence seem to have more meaning. If you can work up a crisis you get attention, sympathy and people sometimes pay attention to you.

That’s a big payoff for people without much going on in their lives.

Some people aren’t happy without a crisis and the more dramatic and the more people involved the better. it helps the drama along if you can a villain or villains and damsels in distress or other helpless victims.

Drama queens usually break down whatever situation they are drama-ing to black and white, good and evil, honorable and dishonorable.

That makes blame and victimhood easy.

The reality of most situations is that somebody goofed something up, thought more about their needs than others or just got lazy. it’s crap we all do.

When you have a dram queen in your life (the term refers to both women and men) you have an intense urge to scream at them. Don’t–that feeds the drama and reinforces the situation.

The only way to effectively address drama is to ignore it, not respond and get on with your day. it’s likely you’ll be labeled an insensitive villain but that’s okay because you won’t ever win with a drama queen.

They are usually experts who have honed their dysfunctional craft for many years.

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Comments
  1. Mark Terry says:

    Words of wisdom, that’s for sure.

    Last spring my wife and I (with both sons) chaperoned 150+ high school marching band to Disney World. An overall great trip, but I wasn’t really accustomed to all the drama, most of it totally pointless. My particular group was great except for one kid, who whenever his girlfriend wasn’t paying enough attention to him would have a panic attack. I’m sure this gains him attention in some quarters, but it doesn’t get much attention from my wife and I, both of whose response pretty much was, “Go sit down and take a deep breath.” I believe the panic attacks were real, but clearly he was creating them himself and the teachers were all-too-familiar with his modus operandi. He was all freaking out one night on me because his girlfriend wasn’t where she was supposed to be. To which I responded rather curtly, “Who’s her chaperone?” He told me and I said, “You’re in my group, which means you stand over there. She’s in Mrs. Logan’s group, so she’s her problem. Don’t go wandering off on me looking for her. We’ll find her.”

    He also lost his ticket, but I totally refused to be anything but unruffled by this kid. I’d just calmly say, “Well, there’s nothing we can do about it right now. We’ll deal with it first thing in the morning. We have procedures for this.”

    I used to work with people who, when they got bored, would start to play mind games with people to see if they could get them to freak out. Sometimes that’s worse than drama queens.

  2. D.B. Dean says:

    but but but…i am boooorrrreeeedddddd! (sheepinshly admits to being somewhat of a drama queen…)

    I will add from years of extrospection (note: i am to extroverted for it to be introspection…) that a drama queen normally suffers from personal doubts, poor self esteem and finds themselves lacking when they asses their own worth. Somehow growing up they determined that if people are paying attention to them…then they matter. So they insert themselves into covertations, talk loudly and throw fits when they dont get the attention they crave. Inside they are panicing…no one cares…i dont mater, I suck…no one is paying attention to me!!!!. Thus the anxiety builds as does the drama.

    In my twenties I used to struggel at listening to others. I would be telling myself – in my head – dont talk – you dont have to talk..you dont have to say anything – just listen – dont talk. Over and over again untilI got to a point that I couldnt handle it and I would jump into the convo. I make an effort to say hello to a friend friends, ask how they are doing, listen to what they say and NOT talk about myself in return. For a drama queen it is a struggle to not be a one up-er or a me too er. Every story someone else tells…you have a story too…and yours is bigger n better. . .Its hard. i have issues. But I know they are MY issues…not other peoples. How I view myself isnt how others view me.

    So now I just spend my time on peoples blogs me-2-ing….so i dont do it IRL…thanks tom…i feel MUCH better…..

  3. Ginny says:

    Rick and I each have a drama queen in our pasts: his ex-wife and my ex-husband. Need I say more?!

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