For centuries, the most inane debates have taken place at the bar.

Why? You gotta do something while you drink.

Here’s some of my favorites and the correct positions to take.

Ginger or Mary Ann–Easy, Mary Ann. Ginger is a stuck up beauty queen. Mary Ann is the hot girl-next-store who you know will try harder and has been smoldering her whole life.

Is golf a sport? No, it is not. I don’t care if it’s hard. Billiards is hard. Darts is hard.  I don’t care if Tiger can bench his weight. It’s something rich guys do to try to be cool. They fail.

Is NASCAR a sport? No, but it’s cooler than golf. NASCAR actually grew out of the Prohibition rum runners. That makes it cool. But driving a car fast doesn’t make something a sport.

Boxing or MMA? Both. They’re different and not a threat to each other. No, they aren’t.

Namath or Marino? Namath is one of the coolest guys ever. He’s almost as cool as Elvis. Marino does weight loss m.

The Beatles or Elvis? Easy. Elvis came first. There were four Beatles. Elvis was the Beatles’s hero. Elvis was a black belt. Elvis looked cool in jumpsuits.

Jennifer Anniston or Courtney Cox? This one’s too personal for me for obvious reasons.

Boxers or briefs? Briefs. Boxers ride up and fail to give adequate support. Alternative answer: Commando.

Jordan or LeBron? Who cares?

Designated hitter? No. The pitcher should have to bat. “Tough” guys like Roger Clemens wouldn’t be so “tough” if they had to stand in the box while some coward through a ball at him.

Clinton or Bush? Easy, Clinton. Bill was an Elvis fan. Bush the first, made fun of him for that. When the Bushs screwed up people died in goofy wars. When Bill screwed up he got a blow job.

And finally…

Yankees or Red Sox? Yankees. Why? Because the Red Sox suck.

  1. Jeff Cohen says:

    The only one on which I’d disagree is Beatles v. Elvis. Yeah, Elvis was first and there was one of him, but he died on the toilet, fat and Vegas-ed out. Besides, I’m too young for Elvis, and I was there for the Beatles, who changed everything.

    • tjs9261 says:

      Cohen is officially banned.

      • Mark Terry says:

        I’m kind of with Jeff on this, actually. Elvis started cool but ended up, uh, what he said. I don’t know if I’d say McCartney’s cool, but Harrison was cool when he died; Lennon was cool when he died; and Ringo remains cool.

      • tjs9261 says:

        The fact remains there would be no Beatles without Elvis.

        Elvis died of a drug overdose. Hmmm…is it the case that the Beatles never did drugs? Could we say that they were just lucky to not have ODed?

        Lennon had gotten into heroin (allegedly)–chemically very similar to what Elvis took. Rock fans criticizing Elvis for being addicted strikes me as hypocritical. I hear from Clapton fans and Dead fans too.

        Elvis lived in Memphis and got paranoid about safety. Perhaps Lennon would be around now if he had the same level of concern.

        So Elvis played Vegas.

        The Beatles quit playing together.

        What was Elvis to do? Wear his hair 50’s style and play revival shows like Chuck Berry. In his last year he sang operatic versions of songs, played the piano in concert and went back to leading the band on rhythm guitar.

        As for wearing gaudy jumpsuits it was the 70s and that’s what people wore. Elton John wore wild outfits during that periods.

        So Elvis died in a less than glamorous way and with drugs in his system. Somehow, that makes him less?

        Hey, in ’64 the Beatles visited Elvis at his house in Bel Air. When Elvis entered the room the four of them stared at him and couldn’t speak.

        Finally, to break the tension Elvis said “If you’re just goin’ look at me I’m goin to bed.”

        After that they spent the night jamming.

        What I’d give for a tape of that.

        The Beatles were great, no question. But someone else opened the door. A poor white man who had the nerve to sing Black music in the segregated South.

        That was a big deal.

  2. Jen Forbus says:

    There obviously are no women in these bars otherwise you could find far more productive things to do while drinking.

    Seriously…the question is not Ginger or Mary Ann. For God sakes, it’s Bo or Luke…and the obvious answer is Bo.

    Is golf a sport? Oh Lord! Who cares? The question is, is cheerleading a sport? And of course it is NOT.

    Is NASCAR a sport…see above. The question is can you put your make-up and pantyhose on while driving? Now there’s a great topic for conversation!

    Boxing or MMA? Tone down the testerone. One actually does not need to physically harm another to have a good time. Really, you don’t!

    Namath or Marino? Well damn, that answer is easy because it’s neither. Montana, baby!

    The Beatles or Elvis…we’ll not bring up the one factor you neglected to mention in there since this is such a sensitive subject with you.

    Jennifer Aniston or Courtney Cox? This is like the Ginger/Mary Ann question. You aren’t even on the right track. The question is actually David Boreanaz or Mark Harmon. I have to lean toward Harmon but I won’t argue with anyone choosing Boreanaz.

    Boxers or briefs? You’re washing and wearing your own damn laundry so I don’t care what you wear. I would, however, prefer that you wear them under your clothes (hence the name underwear) as opposed to your CAMEX fashion sense…

    Jordan or LeBron. I’m from NE Ohio, DUH!

    Designated hitter…sure, give another guy a chance to play in the game! And coward? Whoa. I don’t think I’d want to be standing right in front of a guy about to slap a line drive on a 90+ mph pitch. I’d rather have a chance at bat, thanks very much.

    Clinton or Bush? Good lord, anyone who knows me doesn’t even have to bring this question up.

    Yankees or Red Sox? All the pros suck. The real fun is in the minor leagues, college or high school…that’s where the game is still authentic!

    O.k., now finish your beer and go home!

    • Christine says:

      I’m with you on the Harmon v. Boreanez, but I gotta go with Luke. But where, I wonder, does a “significant mystery gatekeeper” stand on Joe v. Frank Hardy?

      Funny enough, my first thought of Namath v. Marino was more along the lines of the Ginger/Mary Ann question as well. In that sense, I’d have to say Marino because Namath always struck me as a man-ho’.

      “One actually does not need to physically harm another to have a good time.” Yes, well, I’m sure some guy down the line thought that jello-wrestling addressed that concern.

      Learning that “NASCAR actually grew out of the Prohibition rum runners” makes it more interesting, but I still wouldn’t call it a sport. It’s simply nutso daredevil to drive that fast in such close proximity to others.

      • D. B. Dean says:

        Frank hardy – dark haired responsible and sweet
        Joe hardy – blonde dair devil younger brother

        Frank will take care of a girl and make her feel special

        Joe is alot of fun

        …frank will make you bring Biff along on dates because he is nice

        …joe would probably skinny dip with you.

    • Jen Forbus says:

      Also on the Namath vs. Marino debate…you’re going to criticize one man for weight loss but not even touch on the pantyhose topic??? ‘Nuff said.

    • Jen Forbus says:


      That’s easy and I know a lot of people will hate me for saying it, but Parker Stevenson all the way!!

  3. Mark Terry says:

    Okay, I’m getting my wife in on this.

    Ginger or Mary Ann–Easy, Mary Ann.
    Mark: Mary ANn
    Leanne Mary Ann (I shouldn’t be answering this because I’m female). So I asked her about Boreanaz versus Mark Harmon. “Aaarrrrhhhh! That’s so unfair. Okay, I have to go with Mark Harmon. That’s just so not right, honey.”

    Is golf a sport?
    Mark: No
    Leanne: Just barely

    Is NASCAR a sport?
    Mark: No
    Leanne: No

    Boxing or MMA?
    Mark: Both
    Leanne: MMA

    Namath or Marino?
    Mark: Who?
    Leanne: Marino

    The Beatles or Elvis?
    Mark: Beatles (see Jeff Cohen’s answer)
    Leanne: Beatles

    Jennifer Anniston or Courtney Cox?
    Mark: Hmmm. Courtney Cox for when I first saw her in Bruce Springsteen’s Dancing in the Dark video in college, although, as my wife will sometimes say, I wouldn’t kick Jennifer out of bed for eating crackers.
    Leanne: Oh, Anniston, I guess.

    Boxers or briefs?
    Mark: Briefs
    Leanne: Briefs

    Jordan or LeBron?
    Mark: Jordan
    Leanne: Jordan. Definitely.

    Designated hitter?
    Mark: Either way, but EVERYBODY has to do it, nat’l league & American league.
    Leanne: Should be outlawed.

    Clinton or Bush?
    Mark: Clinton
    Leanne: Clinton, definitely, what’s the matter with peace, prosperity, and jobs?

    And finally…

    Yankees or Red Sox?
    Mark: Red Sox (Go Tigers!)
    Leanne: Yankees suck dead bears!

  4. D. B. Dean says:

    I agree somewhat with Jen.

    But girls talk about hot girls vs. not hot girls too…the truth is we all want to BE mary ann with gingers wardrobe…I have been compared to mary ann so she gets my vote. And Jen I like Luke Duke…

    How do you define sport? if you go with websters – an active diversion requiring physical exertion and competition ..then golf is, cheerleading is etc. Heck even trap and skeet could qualify. I tend to think of it as group activities that require cooperation amoung team mates. That would mean that golf no…cheerleading yes, tennis no if singles but yes if doubles. Gymnastics no…boxing no…soccer, football, basketball, etc. yes. Swimming no (even relay events arent really cooperation – just swimming one at a time). Juggeling by youself no – with a partner – yes…nascar – kinda (pit stops is where it becomes sporting)

    Jenn – i can put on makeup, change my clothes, find a pacifier that has fallen inthe back seat, send emails for work, eat breakfast, and put on deodarant while driving (and routinly due on the way to work)…side topic…my husband believes the fact that I dont get in an accident every day i go to work is proof that God is real and there are angels gaurding us…

    Boxing or MMA? I actually prefer MMA but will watch both – cause I like to kick and wrestle my self

    Namath or Marino? MONTANA totally!!!

    I was born in 1977 – elvis died that year right (?)…beatles ehhh…I had four life size posters of jon bon jovi on my wall as a tweener and young teen. Then it was slash from guns n roses…

    Jennifer Aniston or Courtney Cox? Dude – feebie is the BOMB…shes nuts and fun and I would party with her way before those two stuck up twits…

    Boxers or briefs? briefs PLEASE…my three little boys switched to bokers and they think that means they are shorts too and walk around the house in them and its gross!! my rule…if your to old to wear super heros on your undies…i dont want to see them…

    Jordan or LeBron. are these football players?

    Designated hitter…not sure i know my own home team well enough to tell the differences between who is supposed to be a bat and whose not…i mean really…isnt baseball really about the garlic fries?

    Clinton or Bush? I live in SF…and i like to tick people off…doesnt mater what i really think…i vote for BUSH just to upset people 😀 (secretly believe anyone capable of being elected should be allowed to hold the office)

    Yankees or Red Sox? Dodgers! (again cause I live in san francisco but was born in so cal and its fun to get people all upset about something as silly as a baseball team)

    • D. B. Dean says:

      edit – thats SHOULDNT be allowed to old office…anyone who gets elected told more lies and half truths then the other dude…to get there…my world we would have a trully independant auditing firm select from the top states and companies people whose leadership has placed their town, state or company in the top 2 % of success as measured by predetermined areas (i.e. test scores, unemployement rate, budgeting etc or corporate success of revenue etc)… we take the top percentage and publiscize their stats. They answer a list of where they stand on issues and belief (no fancy words just yes or no answers)…and its sent out in a mailer. no commericals, no hype, no lies about each other)…we read what they have DONE…and what they BELIEVE…and vote based on that. Cause if a politicians mouth is moving…he or she is LYING…

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