FRIDAY HAPPY HOUR: Worst Pickup Lines Ever

Posted: March 5, 2010 in FRIDAY HAPPY HOUR, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Is there such thing as a good pickup line?

A pickup line’s goal is to get  someone to go home with you for the purposes of sex.

Do people that willing to have sex really need a clever line? Wouldn’t “Hello, I’m wearing socks?” work for someone that willing?

And, as you all know, I am a committed non-sexist, but having said that, if a woman approaches a man in a bar and says “Hello, I enjoy mayonaise. Want to go make the beast with two backs?” wouldn’t that work with 99.8 percent of men?

Yes, it would.

With all that in mind what are histories worst pickup lines?

Here’s some of my faves:

Did you fart? Because you blew me away

You must be in a wrong place – the Miss Universe contest is over there.

Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world?

I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true

Are you a magnet cuz im attracted to you

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.

Is your blouse felt? Would you like it to be?

You know your eyes are the same color as my Porsche?

But my single favorite came from a frequent contributor this blog  who has chosen to remain anonymous:

“Nice shoes, wanna have sex?”

Because this is a PG-13 blog I cleaned that up a bit.

Your turn. Go!

  1. Jen Forbus says:

    You’ve actually heard people say all of these lines? I think I might be embarrassed FOR the person if they said anything like this to me…of course if I was especially proud of my shoes, the last one MIGHT work, but you’re better bet is, “hey! I read that book, too…” 😉

  2. Mark Terry says:

    Can I buy you a drink? (Yeah, I stick with the classics).

  3. Christine says:

    Ha! My response to the first line would have been “Obviously not far enough away.”

  4. D.B. Dean says:

    today on the way into work. Sitting in traffic listening to Inna Godda Davida baby….(cause it has my name in it)…a man pulls up, does a kissy face and shows me his cell phone and shakes it = like can I get your number? I said no – I am married. He says – i dont want your husbands number…i say – your a creep.

    Two years ago walking into office a man says – excuse me miss…i think he needs directions so I walk over…he asks if I want to meet for a nooner. I say no, I am married….He says – Happily? – i tell him he is an @ss over my shoulder. He yells – one last thing…i turn around and he asks me if “those are double Ds” I walk away. Does that EVER work…i mean has this guy actually ever picked a random women off the street at 11AM on a work day with that…seriously?

    My coworkers always want to know why I talk to crazy people. my probably is I feel it is implolite to not answer a person if they talk to you. So I talk to the bumms as I walk to the coffee shop. If they say hello, I say hello. I am not good at dealing with pervy guys who hit on me…I never have witty response to deliver….so your next blog should be – how to reject pick up lines.

  5. catconnor says:

    I’ve heard a lot of truly bad pick up lines but the worst ever has to be – “Hey wanna root.”

    The Boy Wonder and his trusty friends were in the city a few months ago. They’d had a few drinks, each of them were required (through a dare) to use THAT line on at least one woman during the course of the night. So…the Boy Wonder slid up to a girl and let it fly, fully expecting to be slapped.

    Long story short – she’s now his girlfriend… and the only time I’ve ever seen the Boy Wonder go BRIGHT red was when she re-told the tale of the night they met to me. 🙂

  6. BD says:

    You may be surprised how the patronizing, cheesy, obvious p.u. “So what’s it like being the prettiest girl in Pittsburgh/OKC/Lincoln/LA/Cincinnati…?” works.

    Actually, LA was always good for getting shot down no matter what I tried.
    My proudest moment was being asked, “Who ARE you??” by B+ actress Judy Greer. Even after a brilliantly nonchalant, “If you want to get together later, we’re playing over at the Whisky.”
    The nerve of some broads.

    Sorry, I know some chicks don’t like being referred to as “broads.”

    • D.B. Dean says:

      broads – chicks – girl friday – none of it bothers me.

      I was RCPO (recruit chief petty officer) in my sea cadet boot camp the summer of my 16th year. Responsible for 93 females ranging from 14 – 18…we were stationed on RTC San Diego for a four week long boot camp, sponsered by the U.S. Naval Sea Cadet Corp and the U.S. Navy. We had real drill sargents. and we went through as real a boot camp as they could put kids through. Anyway = I remember that I would address my fellow recruits as “Ladies” when I spoke to them. Man – feminism was ALIVE in these young women. Annoyed the crap out of me even at 16. They got all made and made a formal complaint because I called them ladies. Said they didnt feel like ladies when they were wearing dungarees and no make and dirty and tired. I told them I was ALWAYS a lady…even when in the field covered in dirt and lowcrawling under barbed wire. being a Lady is a state of mind one can maintain even when field dressing a deer. They didnt get it.

      But I find Feminists normally dont. They want to be equal with men…blah blah blah. I say – why lower yourself. Hold that door for me please, and if you dont mind, there is a puddle there on the street. Thank you. My three sons – feminists be damned, are taught to hold the door for their elders and women…and to be gentlemen.

      I always tell them – “gentlemen have gentle hands – and all my sons are gentlemen – unless they need to kick some butt”

      sorry BD – but feminists annoy the crud out of me

      • BD says:

        I’m with you, DD. (umm I refer to your initials!)
        All “-ists” seem to have deficiencies they’re desperately trying to make up for by attacking segments of the population. It’s sad.

  7. Tammy Lynn says:

    The worst line ever used on me was, “Are you here looking for the same thing I’m looking for?” My reply: “Nope. I’m not here to pick up chicks!”

  8. Cindy Adler says:

    I tried some of these lines on my hubby this morning but they didn’t work! Darn it all!

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