5 Valentine’s Day Considerations

Posted: February 13, 2010 in Holidays, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Some advice for tomorrow:

1. Stay away from appliances even if they’re pink, even if you wrote a love poem and successfully rhymed compactor or even if you tell her the avocado green matches her eyes.

2. Think long and hard before getting that Fredrick’s fish net get up, the latex Firewoman’s outfit or that fetsih-based lacy scuba suit.

3. Remember you lumbar problem before ordering that funky trapeze thing. Check the weight limitations on the straps if you do order.

4. Dinner is a safe bet. However, don’t think that barbecue ribs slathered all over your lips is sexy and constitutes foreplay.

5. Careful with the OnDemand movie choices. In general avoid titles that feature any of the following themes prominently: “Tijuana Donkey,” “Ten’s Not a Crowd!” or “Diaper Time.”

  1. Cheryl says:

    Okay, Tom. Are you speaking from experience on these?

  2. Jen Forbus says:

    The fact that these items even enter into your thoughts is a bit scary to me. I don’t want to know how you would know about them, but I’m beginning to think you wrote the ad for hair removal that Ruth was discussing on Facebook the other day.

    Can we get past this God-forsaken holiday already?

  3. Pasquale Palumbo says:

    “Tijuana Donkey” would make a great name for a rock band.

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