Posted: January 7, 2010 in FREE PSYCHOTHERAPY THURSDAY
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Have you ever had these thoughts:

I’d love to play the guitar but I’d probably suck at it.

I’d love to write poetry but that would be goofy.

I’d love to try to paint but what if I lost interest and it was a waste of time.

I’d like to take dance lessons but that people would think it was silly.

Self-defeating thoughts keep people from experiencing life fully. Most of the time people don’t do things because they fear the lack of approval of others. They worry what people would think of them. If people didn’t approval they consider that a reason to not do something.

People also fear not being expert at something. The self-defeating thought is: I’m not great at it, I shouldn’t do it.

Another reason people don’t do things is because they think they ought to have fun the very fisrt time they attempt something forgeting that fun comes when you’ve developed some skill. With more skill you can have more fun. Take the guitar. Your first day usually sucks. Once you learn a little the fun comes exponentially.

Next time you want to do something new and then dismiss the idea, challenge your thinking with these thoughts.

Do I really not do something because some people might think it is silly?

Do I really have to be great at something to do it? Can’t I just do it because I enjoy it?

Do I really want to not try something because it might take some work to develop the skill to enjoy it?3

  1. Robin Cain says:

    Very good points and good advice for everyone! Well done.

  2. Keith Boggs says:

    Tom what I’m having trouble with is thinking of Elvis as 75. The King must stay young.

    • tjs9261 says:


      I think about that a lot. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the Good Lord agreed. Sometimes wish He could’ve taken him before ’77 but I think there was a plan there too.


  3. Mark Terry says:

    I’m a believer, actually. In high school I played sax and piano quite well. 2 years ago I started taking guitar lessons. I don’t ever need to perform, so I practice for my own pleasure in playing and for the satisfaction I get from working on something to get better.

    I also study karate and have for 5 years (sanchin-ryu). A couple years ago a visiting master asked the question, “Why are you studying sanchin-ryu?” and went down the line. I was at the far end of the line. Lots of answers were, “for self defense” and “for fitness” or “for personal growth.” My answer was: “Because I like it.” Which pleased him a lot. He said it was the most honest answer. And I can’t speak for the kids whose parents might force them into it, but as adults, although I’m sure we do many things because we think we should or because we have to, for many things, we just won’t stick with it if it isn’t fun.

  4. dana says:

    Wow, Tom, thanks! That was just what I needed today. 🙂 Perfect timing.

  5. JA Konrath says:

    This post was silly, goofy, and a waste of time, and you suck at it.

  6. roulett says:

    Great idea, thanks for this tip!

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