Nevada Brothel Review…Seriously?

In my next mystery, THE VEGAS KNOCKOUT, my main character winds up living in a legal Nevada brothel. No I didn’t do real life research but I did read a fair amount on what it is really like. Not quite “Pretty Woman” and Julia Roberts. I did find this review from the website “Yelp” which does reviews for anything from shopping to restaurants to, well, brothels.

This is from a guy named Chris:

I was on a road trip, riding my motorcycle with a group of friends to a bike rally in Reno, and we stopped to spend a couple nights with my riding partner’s family friends in Carson Valley. What is there to do in Carson Valley for three days? We went on some terrific rides, ate some fine barbeque, hit up a card room or two and, of course, stopped by the Moonlight Bunny Ranch. Come on, you know if given the opportunity, you’d check it out too.

 

So the whole group, four guys and three gals, stumbled out of the city around 1am on a Friday night and made our way out into the weeds to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch. I had no idea what to expect, but any hope of finding a classy establishment faded as soon as I saw the doublewide trailers and flickering pink neon sign.

 

I admit the interior is nicer than the exterior would lead you to believe. So we hung out at the bar, had a few drinks, and talked with the ladies for a bit. This is when I learned the first truth about real life prostitutes – they’re not nearly as attractive as they are in the movies. Honestly, most of the girls were skanks. Go figure.

 

After being there for nearly a half hour, curiosity finally got to me and I asked one of the gals at the bar how much she charged. Turns out she didn’t work for the Ranch, and was there for a drink just like me. Mistake #1. Oops…

 

I buried my head in embarrassment for five minutes until my friend, who thought he was a bit slicker than I was, announced that he had gotten us VIP tours of the Ranch. We stepped into the next room, and two minutes later we were presented with a lineup of ‘staff.’ We were told to select a gal, and she’d take us on a tour of the ranch. I can honestly say this was the most unusual buffet I had seen in Nevada.

 

They were all pretty nasty looking, so I picked the ugliest gal in hopes that she’d have some personality. Mistake #2. She led me past the bar, around the corner, and straight into her bedroom – not exactly a ‘tour.’ That’s when she explained how things worked. The girls aren’t allowed to proposition customers in the bar area – they had to be invited back to their rooms by the potential client. Once they were safely in their rooms, they could talk business. When a gentlemen spends too much time at the bar and doesn’t offer to bring a lady back to her room, they offered “VIP tours” which end up in a bedroom.

 

Which is how I found myself in a hooker’s bedroom, listening to her rattle off sexual favors and prices like today’s specials at Applebees. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at some of the ‘menu items.’ Apparently prices vary from girl to girl and are completely negotiable; the most attractive girl in the Ranch was charging thousands per hour; my girl would give me anything I wanted for $250. Mistake #3.

 

Needless to say, I declined Skankerella’s proposition, finished my drink, and made my way back to the bar, where I found my compatriots with similar bewildered looks on their faces. Except one guy, who was grinning from ear to ear. We didn’t ask.

 

The drinks were good, though…

Crap Roxie Thinks

1.  I wanna go for a walk

2. I wanna walk some place different

3. What’s that  smell?

4. I hope there’s a pizza crust under that bush on the corner of Lawnridge and New Scotland

5. Why was there a crust there once but never since?

6. I’m looking for it today

7. Today the crust will return.

8. My privates need to be licked

9. What’s that smell?

10. I can’t wait to eat the pizza crust.

Click here for other episodes of “Crap Roxie Thinks.”

And if you enjoy Roxie you might enjoy the Duffy Dog of the Week.

Fighting Fifty In and Out of the Ring: My Sparring Diary, 1/22 Concentration and Pain

The diary of a 50 year old never-was gym rat who wants to keep sparring and is working with a couple of pro fighters as trainers and sparring partners. A look at the physical, psychological and emotional aspects of boxing.

I slept well and I was well rested having budgeted my workouts intelligently this week.

My trainer just signed on for a pro fight and he is well into his training camp. He lets me know that he’s getting a lot of work in but he’s glad to work with me because I’m left-handed. Southpaws give him trouble and he likes the practice.

Now this may not seem like a compliment to the uninitiated but it is and it is a significant. This pro thinks there is something worthy in my sparring to give him work. Nothing more, nothing less but it is something and it means a lot to me.

The bell rings for the first round and we start to move. Very soon into the round I notice something disturbing and I would love to hear from other fighters about if they can relate to this: I can’t concentrate.

I’m pushing my thoughts out of my head, I’m internally demanding to concentrate and still, I find myself thinking of other things–my day, my writing, my headgear, the noise in the gym. I think demanding in my head to concentrate is making it a bit worse.

Three quarters it is still going on and I find myself with my back to the ropes and my trainer throws a three punch combination that i catch mostly on my gloves by they rock into my headgear and i feel their force. they don’t ring my bell of register as pain but they register as force and as danger.

Instantly my concentration problems disappear.

Funny how that works.

Danger is an important and effective motivator. It let’s you know what is important in the here and now and it involuntarily narrows your focus like nothing else. I guess it occurs outside of the ring and it may explain why some people seem to get addicted to stress and trauma and may even seek it out.

It wasn’t pleasant being scattered mentally. it felt orderly to have my concentration back.

Anyone else feel this?

For other sparring diary and boxing blogs click here.

Friday Happy Hour: The Art of Cutting Off a Customer

It’s not ethical to continue to serve an obviously intoxicated customer. It is also against the law.

Of course some bartenders ignore this and even think it is funny to let someone drinking way too much continue to imbibe.

Others go out of their way to embarrass the customer as if this somehow adds to the bar experience for those witnessing it.

The problem is drunk customers are often very obnoxious and demanding. They get mouthy and no one likes to be disrespected.  So often the server gets nasty.

Respect is the key to it.

My wife put herself through college during a career change by bartending during the day. On Fridays she’d work into happy hour when the place would blend with all day drinkers, end of the work week relief drinkers and those making their first stop of the night. Lots of people would get drunk.

My wife is a small person with a great smile and she was the type of bartender that was perfect for the day shift: pretty but conversational and genuine.

When someone needed to be cut off she would just subtly shake her head and not say anything. More often than not the customer knew and would nod. He could leave with his dignity intact.

In other cases when a customer didn’t get it she would let them know in a quiet but confident voice that they couldn’t have any more because she would get in trouble. Again, the customer’s respect could mostly be preserved.

I never heard of a case where a customer got abusive with her, said mean things or that she had to get back up. Part of that was the type of place but more of it was her. She wasn’t playing the unapproachable diva, it wasn’t about her and everyone got respect.

The owner of the place one time told me that one of the gruffer customers was talking about my wife.

He said: “She’s alright. She gives respect.”

For more Friday happy Hour blogs click here.

don’t be THAT guy…The I Don’t Watch TV Guy

Everyone knows one of these guys, right?

The office gang is kickin’ around the winner on The Biggest Loser or talking about how funny Jimmy Kimmel was or something like that and then he says in a self congratulatory drawl,

“I don’t watch television.”

TV is below me

Every one stops and stares while he waits. The delay is for the followup questions on just how he lives or what he does instead.

The answer usually involves classical music, reading or some other esoteric snooty hobby.

Yet a few days later the same individual will happen to mention that they saw such and such on television. When questioned they will respond with,

“It was on at the Macrobiotic food co-op.”

“I watch PBS once a year for the Upstairs Downstairs reunion and I saw it changing channels.”

or

“I was doing a socio-economic study on the ignorant classes below me and need to experience it for my research.”

Look everyone knows TV is mindless–that’s why we watch it. If you don’t watch it, good for you, but stop reminding us every chance you get while making us all gag on your self-importance.

Clich here for more “don’t be THAT guy blogs.

Fighting 50 In and Out of the Ring: My Sparring Diary 1/15

The diary of a 50 year old never-was gym rat who wants to keep sparring and is working with a couple of pro fighters as trainers and sparring partners. A look at the physical, psychological and emotional aspects of boxing.

My trainer was out of town and it was too late to find someone to spar with this weekend.

So what is there to write about?

Well, as you know most of this diary is about the psychological and emotional aspects of fighting. Not sparring has very definite consequences.

There are some weeks where I’m looking for my trainer to cancel. That way I don’t have to do the work (both psychological and physical) and I don’t have to feel guilty or cowardly for calling it off. This week I wanted to fight and I felt pretty good.

The consequences of not fighting are very clear. i feel a bit more listless and I feel like I lose my edge and not just boxing wise. I feel like I didn’t do something exceptional, I didn’t test myself and I didn’t feel like I faced any adversity.

I did one of my p90x workouts as a substitute. It was physically challenging but not emotionally or psychologically. I felt like I worked out and I felt the right amount of fatigue and soreness.

I don’t feel any of the exhilaration. I don’t feel like I did something out of the ordinary.

Monday I felt a little irritable and I little more anxious about things. I also didn’t feel as sore or fatigued and in a weird way I missed that. The body soreness reminds me of what I did. it reminds me that I fought and I like that feeling.

I didn’t get it this week.

Click here to read other sparring blogs

Writing Myths

There’s a lot of bullshit communicated about successfully writing a novel. if you heed much of it you’ll get paralyzed and never be able to finish your own work of fiction.

The truth is that writing a book isn’t joining the Marines, it isn’t Transcendental Meditation nor is it discovering cold fusion. It has more to do with cleaning your basement, building a bird house or creating a garden in your backyard.

In other words it involves some planning, some trial and error and quite a bit of time on task.

It doesn’t require any of this crap:

Large amounts of uninterrupted time in a beautiful oak paneled office.

I write before my day job in between hound bays and getting up every 7 minutes to act as the uniformed doorman for my three four legged VIPs

You must have a completely formed idea, outlined neatly with Roman numerals, bullet points and color coded categories.

Actually, you need an idea. Then another idea of where to go. Do that for 300 pages and you get a book.

You can’t start your book until you go on police ride-a-longs, volunteer on the local SWAT team or travel to Rome to interview the custodian at the Vatican for your story background.

This is fiction. You make this shit up. Read an article, go to Wikipedia and then start writing.

You must write only when the muse comes to visit you.

Good luck with that. It’s plain crap.

You can’t finish because you’re blocked.

You’re not a colon and you don’t get blocked. You stop working. If what comes next to you isn’t obvious then you have to problem solve, do some trial and error and rewrite. It’s work.

For more blogs on writing click here.

Basset Hound Haiku With Ginny Tata-Phillips

Today a guest poem  from basset haiku master Ginny Tata-Phillips. You can find her regularly at: http://gspotsylania.wordpress.com

Since the neutering

he licks himself in tribute

to what used to be.

Reviewing the Reviewers: Sam Sattler, Bookchase

Sam

Sam Sattler describes himself as an avid reader as well as a fan of “real” country music. I hope that means Waylon, Willie, Tom Paul and others. He started reviewing books so he could give attention to smaller less publicized work (for which those of us who write such books are eternally grateful.)  and so he could remember the plots of books he had read. He lives in Houston Texas and counts The Godfather, The Buddy Holly Story and Defending Your Life among his favorite movies. His review blog is http://bookchase.blogspot.com

 

1. What really gets your interest in a mystery?

The thing I look for in a mystery is in-depth character development and a good side plot or two.  Straight mysteries with one simple crime, a limited number of suspects, and no misdirection don’t intrigue me at all these days.  I find myself drawn toward long series, for those reasons.

2. What bores the hell out of you?

Cozies and novels that are afraid to show the “real world.”  I hate political correctness in novels and movies.  I also hate clichés such as always making Big Oil the villain or otherwise portraying a villain or incompetent cop as the most conservative minded of all the characters.

3. What cliches would you really like to see go away?

 

Big Oil = Environment Rapist

Republicans are warmongers

Southerners are dumber than their Northern counterparts

Southerners are more racist than Northerners

 

4. What topics, themes etc would you like to see more of in mysteries?

More mysteries (or general novels) set in bookstores or involving book collectors

More mysteries using baseball or football as background

More mysteries set in Houston or Austin

 

5. What mistakes do you think authors make?

Authors often make the mistake of underestimating the intelligence of their readers.  They spend too much time explaining the obvious and fail to get into the depth that would make their characters real to the reader.

 

6. Do you write? Would you like to?

I have not written professionally other than a sports piece for the Houston Astros program several years ago.  I would love to write someday – maybe next year when I retire.

 

7. Who are your favorites?

Elizabeth George, James Lee Burke, Joyce Carol Oates, John Harvey, Sue Grafton, Ken Bruen, Sara Paretsky, Richard Price, Ruth Rendell

 

8. Why did you start reviewing? If you really hate a book will you still review it?

I started reviewing mainly to reinforce my memory about all the books I read.  I was disappointed to find that I could barely remember the plots of books I had read three or four years earlier.  Now that I formally review them, I don’t have that problem.

I started Book Chase ( www.bookchase.blogspot.com ) five years ago and what I enjoy most about it is that I can spread the word about the more obscure novels from smaller and independent publishers.  I also love the feedback I often get from the authors I review.  One or two of the writers who gave me the most vehement negative feedback have turned into good friends; I think we all learned something from our email exchanges.

Click here for other “Reviewing the Reviewers.”

Fighting 50 In and Out of the Ring: My Sparring Diary, 1/8/12

The diary of a 50 year old never-was gym rat who wants to keep sparring and is working with a couple of pro fighters as trainers and sparring partners. A look at the physical, psychological and emotional aspects of boxing.

I hadn’t sparred since 12/11. There were holiday events and then the holidays themselves fell on the weekends. The weekdays were caught up in, well, the holidays and i took the time off.

I write this diary mostly to take a look at and share the psychological angle of sparring. I think the reason most people who train in boxing or want to train in boxing never get involved or quit sparring is because of psychological reasons. Mostly it is fear.

It is something that people just don’t talk about. Mike Tyson talked about being scared to death every time he went through his ring walk but he’s the exception to the rule.

The fear is the opposite side of the coin of exhilaration I feel from doing it regardless of my performance.

I notice things when I miss more than a week. I found myself wishing my trainer would cancel. That way it wouldn’t be my fault. I found myself feeling anxiety about everything in my life on the way to the gym. Not so much about sparring but about work, school, the future, the health of my family and pets. I’ve noticed over the years that there are times when my anxiety goes sideways and doesn’t focus on what’s in front of me.

All of this becomes a metaphor for dealing with adversity in my life. I know that dealing with emotions ahead of times is hard, the activity is reinforcing and exciting with a little danger and the feelings afterwards are going to be great. I just ignore the feelings before hand.

This translates to just about every challenge in life. ignore the fear and anxiety, act consistent with what i value and want out of my life and carry on.

Now to the sparring.

I felt weird at first like I had lost what i was concentrating on when I was working every week. I remembered I wanted to “see’ my opponent at all time. I remembered I wanted to recoil the jab and I remembered I wanted to be on guard on the ropes. My trainer, a pro fighter, just signed for a bout so I also knew he’d be working on some things for his own game.

The bell sounded and I got my jab going right away and tried to double it up. I threw hard lefts (I’m a southpaw) even if I knew they were going in to his guard to get the respect and keep him from coming in.

He pressured me and I went to the ropes. I lost sight of him and got out of position. It reminded me I had to work on this. This more than anything else seemed to respond to time on task–when i get away from sparring this happens.

Something cool happened in the second round. He came in on me to pressure  me and he came in with a fast step. I was ready and countered with an uppercut with my left hand. It landed hard and on target and a couple of the guys watching ringside gave me some props. My trainer acknowledged it as a good shot. (Which goes to show the quality of his training–he didn’t go to pay me back right away or really put it on me.)

At the end of the round i got my best compliment. A couple of the coaches gave my trainer some pointers. it wasn’t so much that i was challenging his skills but that he was working toward his fight. I felt a measure of respect because I was good enough work for him that he was getting to do some of his work in and I was presenting some questions for him to answer. That’s a huge compliment in this world.

At the beginning of the third another trainer gave me water and very sternly said, “This is always where you tell yourself you’re tired. Don’t do it.”

He was right. I did my best to stay strong and not give in. It worked.

For awhile.

I stayed busy with the jab even though I could feel the fatigue in my lat. That meant I had to really pay attention to recoiling because my body didn’t want to. I could also feel my legs and they didn’t want to crouch as much as they should.   I was too tall and not in position to move effectively.

With about 45 seconds to go I was out of gas. I did everything I could to tie up and hold on. Fortunately i didn’t eat a big one–probably more a tribute to my trainer than to my luck or defense.

When we got done my other trainer said, “that’s the best I’ve seen you look.”

Not sure if he was right or being nice but I’ll take it.

For other sparring diary and boxing blogs click here.